Hollow

Two weeks ago, a couple of my freshmen asked me to sponsor a club they want to start next year, and a junior asked me if she could switch and have me as her EE advisor.

Last week, a student told me how much she was looking forward to coming back and helping out in my class last year.

On Saturday night/Sunday morning I stood in a Beltaine circle at the beach and spoke in wondering tones about finally being happy, about finally having a job that I 100% love for the first time in my adult life, and how it’s filled me with hope and excitement.

Yesterday I discovered a hidden “ILU [my name]” message hidden in a project one of my students turned in, and got all misty-eyed.

This morning the principal called me into his office and told me he wasn’t renewing my contract for next year.*

Happy fucking Teacher Appreciation Day to me, I guess.

I’m wrecked.  I’m torn between wanting to curl up in a corner and sob and wanting to scream in fury and break things.

It’s not the job situation – I’m curiously non-panicky.  I can get a job at another school.  Hell, it’s not like working in Osceola County was CONVENIENT.  SpouseMan’s school even has IB; maybe he can put in a good word for me.

But I was already torn up about losing my seniors at the end of the year, and I hadn’t really bonded with most of them the way I did my freshmen.  I’d looked forward to seeing them for the rest of their time at my school, looked forward to seeing them grow and thrive and graduate.  Looked forward to taking this class that I’d made MINE and refining it and making it better, more polished, for next year.  I was excited.  And now I’m going to lose these kids that I adore and… it’s not okay.

Anyway.  That’s where I am right now.

 

*No, in case you’re wondering, he didn’t tell me why.  I asked, and he refused, and he wasn’t half rude about it either.  I have my suspicions, but speculating on them at this point will do nobody any good.

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One thought on “Hollow

  1. I’m sorry…I wish I knew why this happened…. but, start looking right away for another school….I know you can find one easily! On May 3, 2016 10:38 PM, “Congratulations, its a grain of rice!” wrote:

    kristycat posted: “Two weeks ago, a couple of my freshmen asked me to sponsor a club they want to start next year, and a junior asked me if she could switch and have me as her EE advisor. Last week, a student told me how much she was looking forward to coming back and help”

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