So, uh.

On the off-chance that anyone who reads this blog hasn’t heard about this through another source: I have a Patreon. It’s pretty cool; you can subscribe to pay a certain amount each month (currently I have patron levels from $2 to $15 per month) and in return get random fiction each month from yours truly.

NGL, I write good fucking fiction. I’m not even joking. Even the shit that was dashed off in an hour five years ago is pretty damn good, and you would enjoy reading it and you should subscribe.

However, the main reason for starting the Patreon now (despite certain friends who have been on me for a long time to start one up) is that I’m currently in a financial crisis. I really don’t want to go into the gory details, but for the next few months funds are going to be super tight.

And given that this is my personal blog, I kinda want to talk a bit about my feelings on that, stuff I haven’t wanted to get into elsewhere.

Today, I spent a dollar.

Nicole found out that today was free entrance day at Leu Gardens, so me and Suse met up with her and James to go check it out. Despite being kinda hungry, I carefully avoided the Sabrett’s hot dog stand dude, because we had food at home and I could wait. But when Susannah discovered the popsicle stand, further into the park, and begged me for a green popsicle… yeah. I didn’t get a full-sized one; I got a mini one – Susannah-sized, I told her – so it was cheaper, and she was happy with that.

I don’t want her to know we’re low on money.

As a kid, I knew we were low on money sometimes. There’s techniques you learn, as a kid. When not to ask for candy. What not to expect for your birthday or Christmas. How to ration your requests for what’s really important, how to be happy with what you get.

All important skills, agreed! Just. Not what I want for my daughter.

I don’t want her to know the reason why we don’t get ice cream after gymnastics anymore. I make up excuses. I DO want her to continue gymnastics, and dance class, and her Blueberries class at least until graduation, because it’s important to her. I want her to have the fancy birthday party she asked for. I don’t want our mistakes to touch her.

Her gymnastics teachers, at least, have been super understanding. They sympathized with our plight and emailed the owner of the business, assuring me that we can work something out so that she can keep attending class until we’re back on our feet. I love them, I love them so much.

Other than that… I’m scared.

I want her to have the things she loves. My initial optimistic plan for the summer involved swimming lessons and t-ball: she needs the former and wants the latter. Those are now by the wayside. But I don’t want her to lose the things she already has. I want to be able to keep the food she’ll eat stocked in the house. I want to buy her birthday presents. But I mean… I also don’t want my car repossessed, or our internet – which is my only source of income right now – to be turned off.

I don’t let myself feel it very often, but. I’m scared. I’m really scared, and it hurts.

I don’t have a snappy end for this post. Just – if you’re reading this and you can spare 2 crappy dollars per month, maybe click the link? I’d appreciate it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s