So what is this blog, anyway?
Essentially, it’s a way for me to discuss whatever’s on my mind. Sometimes that’s posting pictures of my daughter or sharing “mommy moments”; sometimes it’s ranting about politics or deconstructing an idea or just posting something silly.
I started this blog when I found out I was pregnant, fully intending it to be a “mommy blog.” (At the time, my unborn child was about the size of a grain of rice – hence the name.) For a while I tried hard to shoehorn all other issues into parenting concerns. While it’s true that being a mother makes a lot of these issues much more urgent to me (raising a girl makes me more aware of feminist issues, for example), I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that really, they don’t all have to be about the baby. So nowadays the ratio is approximately 2.5 non-baby posts to every 1 baby post. Feel free to skip whichever ones don’t interest you, but be polite about it.
Don’t be a dick.
No, really, that’s about it.
If you really need specific instructions on how not to be a dick, there’s only so much I can do to help you, I’m afraid. But I’ll give it a shot.
- Comment and argue in good faith. No trolling. (playing Devil’s Advocate is acceptable, but you must announce that that’s what you’re doing, and if someone tells you to knock it off, knock it off.)
- Assume other people are also acting in good faith, until proven otherwise. No putting words in anyone else’s mouth or intentions in anyone else’s head.
- Attack ideas, not people. No namecalling, no personal insults.
- If you’re arguing with me or anyone else who’s provided a link to support their statement, follow the link before responding.
- Take a moment to read over your comment before posting it. Is it clear? Does it make sense? Does it convey the tone you want to convey?
- Accidentally triggering someone can’t be helped. Intentionally triggering someone is a dick move. If someone in the comment thread has nicely asked you not to do something triggery and you do it anyway, that will be interpreted as intent to harm. (If you’re not sure if something is triggery or not, err on the side of not being a dick.)
- When in doubt, ask yourself, “Would a dick say this thing I’m about to say?” If the answer is yes, don’t say it.
Interpretation of these rules is, ultimately, my call and no one else’s. Minor violations may be gently warned, argued with/subjected to scorn, or deleted. Egregious violations – excessive hostility, threats, etc. – are mine to do with as I please. Bear in mind that I can edit comments on this blog, and if you’re an ass I may do so for my own evil amusement. Troll at your own risk.
Is this a Safe Space?
Not especially, no. It’s my space, to talk about things I want or need to talk about, and I can’t guarantee that those things won’t ever make someone feel unsafe. I also strongly value free discussion, and sometimes that means letting people voice truly odious opinions, if only so they can be firmly rebutted.
That being said, I’m not going out of my way to make anyone feel unsafe, either. I try (though I’m not perfect) to put up Content Notes and/or Trigger Warnings whenever they seem appropriate, and to put anything especially vitriolic behind a cut. I’m also trying to get certain problematic words (such as ableist terms) out of my own vocabulary, though again, I don’t promise to be perfect. I also tend to genuinely like the people who comment here often, so if there’s something that does make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, please let me know and I’ll see what can be done about it.
So while this may not be a 100% safe space, I’m at least hoping to make it a friendly and welcoming space.
A Note on Language
With the exception of the words “bitch” and “dick” (which I freely admit I love, even though I probably shouldn’t) and a couple ableist terms (which I’m trying not to use myself but won’t hold against anyone else, because I know they’re pretty widespread and most people use them without even thinking about it), I’m very uncomfortable with marginalizing language – racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, fat-shaming, etc., etc. Such language is not banned, per se, but if you use it you will be called out for it, and while I don’t think it’s necessarily impossible, it’s difficult to use such terms without also being a dick, so the rest of your post will also be under close scrutiny. Be aware.